I wanted to discuss a topic that I do not think gets enough press these days and that is a breakdown of the rationale behind why we may experience ‘barriers’ when it comes to self care and self love, and the 4 of the most common barriers I see most commonly in clinic.
Reasons behind why we may experience ‘barriers’
If you often find yourself feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or overly critical of yourself, you are not alone. If you identify with the following themes, they may be contributing to root cause of any underlying barriers to self care and self love:
- Did not grow up with positive support systems
- Childhood was often filled with verbal taunting, criticisms, or put downs
- It was viewed as selfish or self-centered to put your needs first
- Setting boundaries or saying “no” was looked down upon
- Not feeling good enough or adequate enough
Any of those sound familiar? I know the feeling. Oftentimes, women grow up in environments that are not the most supportive, leaving them feeling sensitive, stressed, and despite being high-achievers, feeling good enough is still a struggle.
Here are 4 Common Barriers that you may be experiencing:
1. You did not receive healthy love from others
When we, as children, do not receive healthy and consistent love growing up, it is very hard to identify and accept love as adults.
2. Not knowing how to accept self love
When all is said and done, when we did not grow up giving ourselves self love, it can be extremely difficult to learn how to give and accept self love in adulthood.
3. Believing love only comes from others and in specific forms
Let me give you an example, if you only believe that love comes from other people, and more specifically, in the form of romantic love, it can be impossible to give it to yourself when you have been conditioned to believe something else.
4. You have experienced trauma around affection and what love looks like
Let me clarify – trauma does not have to be with a capital “T”. It can simply be a memorable experience where you can recall where you picked up the belief that self love and receiving love is not okay and can even be vulnerable and dangerous. For example, maybe your dad always got angry or annoyed at your mum when she spent money on a massage, went shopping for herself or spent money on self care. And you took on the belief that your mum didn’t deserve self care, and then this transformed to a belief that YOU are not deserving or worthy of self care.
Possible Next Steps
All four of these barriers are rational reasons why self love and self care can be challenging for you. If you identify with any of the root causes or common barriers, or are wanting support around how to release these limiting beliefs and improve your personal relationship with self love and self care, book a clarity call with me to find out how I can support you further in your journey.
As always, thank you for saving room for me in your inbox and I look forward to connecting with you further. If you don’t already, follow me on Instagram where I share posts about all things psychology, self-care, and neuroscience.