People will present with certain ‘issues’ or ‘challenges’, but more often than not, these are not the underlying events, stories or beliefs that have caused the current circumstances. Let me explain…
Olivia ^ had been feeling undervalued and insignificant at work. This had been a reoccurring theme in her life for quite some time. Her role had recently changed due to a restructure and she was not happy with her new role.
She said … “I’m not happy with this new role, and I feel tightness in my chest, the colour is deep purple and it’s rough and my emotions are frustration, feeling undervalued and insignificant”.
Olivia’s new manager had recently acknowledged some of her team members 1 year of service. Yet did not acknowledge her 13 years of service! This left her feeling unvalued and insignificant. Throughout the sessions she realised that her manager was inconsistent at acknowledging birthdays and anniversaries – and that it didn’t matter that he had forgotten her anniversary.
This bought Olivia from a rating of -8 to a -2. But it wouldn’t move any further… That was until, we explored that this insignificance and need for acknowledgement was actually linked to an event that occurred when she was 16 years old! Once she was able to process this story, her feelings about work because neutral and non-existent.
When coming home from school, Olivia as approach by a man in an alley. Whilst she was unharmed by the event, upon returning home, her parents didn’t acknowledge her attack or do anything about it. They didn’t talk about it, comfort her or contact the police. She felt ‘insignificant’.
She had taken on a belief that ‘She wasn’t good enough to be helped, because mum didn’t do anything about the attack and she was left to get on with her homework’.
Olivia was able to connect with her 16 year old self and explore what she needed at the time, and that was
- To have a conversation with her parents to feel heard
- To visit a police station with her parents (this took her rating up to a +5)
- To help herself by going to self defense classes (this took her to a +9)
- To put flyers in people’s boxes – warning people of the man in the alleyway where she was attacked (this took her rating up to a +10)
At this point, she realised that she had changed her belief. She felt ‘empowered to be able to help others through her experience. And she felt significant!’. This new belief was then imprinted into her body and cells.
At the end of the session Olivia said her belief about herself had changed:
- Initially there was a need for me to be significant and significant at work. Now that is 0, it’s neutral.
- I know I am significant and I don’t need anyone to tell me that I am.
* The self administered SUE (Subjective Unite of Experience) scale) was used for feedback.
^ Client name has been changed for the purposed of this article